I was reading this article in the Zuqka magazine of the Daily Nation paper, it’s quite an old paper. (I like to keep archives). It was the column ‘Ciku Beefs’ by Ciku Muiruri and this particular paragraph stuck on my mind…’You cannot retire! You cannot say it is time to live out your remaining years in peace. There is no tranquility in the battle ground of tyranny. You live with your choices. It is sort of like being a gangster, I suppose 2 Pac rapped about it all the time. In ‘CHANGES’ he explains why he always carried a gun. It was out of fear, desperation, ruthlessness but most of all lack of a quiet mind’…I tried to extrapolate this from a mind of an introvert, he doesn’t say much but for sure carries loads of stuff in his head that would otherwise be shared with the second party. The impact or say consequences of keeping this up are known I mean we all know what depression does to one but such is life.
There are times in ones life when we think or rather undergo moments where we so wish wouldn’t have come, we literary feel the pressure and and those are the moments we contemplate a lot of stuffs and to be true, life, if I can place my words correctly looses meaning and that’s when we think we’d rather opt out of it. That folks is what building up ‘issues’ in the brain does to you. Consider a case of this guy who recently sat for his or her final semester examinations at the college or the university. There is always a huge expectation from him or her to graduate and get a job (I want to believe that’s the general assumption of those who’ve paid huge amounts of tuition fees before) but for this party, things are not so straight, of the missing marks still yet to be found, of the courses he scored below the pass mark (They are at times the comrades nightmare), of the research project that didn’t sail through and he has to re-do, he has to wait for considerate amount of time before he or she could get his or her final results, folks are right on his or her neck for they paid enormous amounts of monies, he just can’t go and lounge with his folks (She might be understood..{Trying not to be gender insensitive here}) so he sticks his neck out there trying to cut a niche for himself which proves to be so not rosy, bills ever accruing and have to be settled, the rent and remember he has to look out for himself well too and as the adage goes, when it rains it pours, he kind of unknowingly impregnates his girlfriend and for a while she’s due and at the same time his accounts are totally empty and literary rusty. While this is happening, he’s keeping it all to himself considering his peers are ‘doing well’ relatively. So as much this guy will laugh and build that facade of perfection, he or she has this stuff eating him or her up like bad cancer, slowly and painfully devouring his or her brain to a point where everything fails to make sense. I said it’s about choices we make or just at times we just become victims of circumstances, yeah life is that not fair and this cuts across all classes of life, with the super rich and his or her philandering wife or hubby, or that rogue kid or that entrepreneur with wicked loan arrears or that Casanova with Herpes or any other bad-ass S.T.I
If one can master the art of venting out what is inside his or her head, who knows help might just be around the corner and to wrap it up with a Robert Frost, when he penned the ‘Road not taken’ we should always learn before hand the gravity of our choices.
Omoto musings 